A friend once told me dating is a numbers game. Like myself, he was divorced. And we had both signed up for dating services several years ago.
We took different approaches to dating. My friend took a more conventional approach and joined a paid service, whereas I started using OKCupid.
Over the last few years I’ve used OKC to read hundreds-upon-hundreds of online dating profiles, surrendered dozens of hours chatting and seized the opportunity to go on some thrilling dates (and some chilling ones too).
To improve my chances I read research articles about exactly what to say in a first message – how words like “zombie” and “pretty” improve response rates from women. But what follows is nothing like that.
Instead of boring statistics, I share techniques requiring cunning and guile to help energize your online dating life and empower you to attract beautiful women on OKCupid. I’ll start by showing you how to identify their type, then strip things down to just the tips applying to those types, and, finally, wrapping it up with two key things I learned after four years of online dating.
What are you waiting for? The water’s warm. Jump right in.
Identify their type
First off, women on OKC are very dynamic. After reading hundreds of profiles these are the primary kinds of women (and they’ll hate me for telling you):
Attention seeker. These are easy to spot. Telltale signs of attention seekers are overtly sexy or shocking profile photos, profile language intended to trigger emotional responses, or multi-hour online activity. Avoid these women like the plague. They’ll do nothing but steal compliments and waste your time.
Casual dater. Unlike the attention seeker, this type is more difficult to detect. Early signs a woman is a casual dater are profile messages like “just checking this site out” or “a friend signed me up”. The casual dater is not serious about finding a long-term partner, and will often accept dates only to bail last-minute – always with a legit excuse. If you’re serious about getting serious, learn to identify casual daters early and skip on by.
Damaged goods. Careful with these ones. This type of woman may be very attractive and throw herself at you at the first glimpse of intelligence and stability. Identify damaged goods by listening to their stories. If they’re dwelling too much on the past, or talking repeatedly about their ex, do yourself a favor and head for the hills. They’re not ready to date yet.
Working professional. The working professional has the potential to make a great companion, except for one problem: they have zero time to give. This type of woman is likely to make you a relatively low priority and will bore you to tears talking about career advancement goals. Identify working professionals by their communication. Signs of a working professional include slow response rates, brevity in communication and requests to split the bill.
Damsel in distress. Like the attention seeker, the damsel in distress is looking for for attention – but with different purpose, and can be easily confused if you’re not paying attention. Identify damsels in distress by their curiosity and selflessness. They will often ask you questions and help keep conversation flowing. Damsels in distress will make you feel like a hero, and have the potential to make delightful partners.
Once you figure them out, you’re ready to play ball.
Just the tips
Once you identify their type it’s going to take some effort to determine if she’s right for you. Here are my top tips for dating women on OKCupid.
Quantity over quality
If you’re not exactly sure what you’re looking for in a partner (let’s be honest, what man does?) you should go on as many dates as possible. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, going on a lot of dates will help you learn quickly what you want and make you better at identifying a woman’s type.
You can read about this anywhere. But it bears repeating just in case you missed it. When you start a conversation do the following:
- Keep it short
- Make it funny
- Be personal
- Ask a question
Women are smarter than men. If you don’t bother to read their profile they’ll know immediately, and you’ll up your chances of landing an attention seeker or damaged goods. And if you don’t ask a question you better drop a very strong punchline with your joke, otherwise your message will be buried with the rest.
Landing a date quickly
Women want to be hunted, not coddled. When you get a response from one don’t waste any time. Strike while the iron is hot and ask her out as soon as possible. Because if she responded at all she’s already interested and will likely accept a date. And if she doesn’t, you just saved yourself some time.
Splitting the bill
Don’t over think this one. Just pay. If she offers to split the bill, thank her kindly and decline. Then pay. But keep the following in mind.
Getting noticed with Boost
If you’ve used OKCupid you’re undoubtably familiar with the boost feature. Boost can be great if used intelligently. Here’s how to take full advantage:
Click viewer profiles. During the boost users are able to see individuals who saw them. If you see someone you feel is attractive don’t expect them to visit just because you boosted. Instead, click their photo to visit their profile and bookmark them or rifle off a short message if they seem interesting.
Boost off-hours. If you boost during hours of peak traffic you’re likely to get lost in the shuffle. Instead, boost during off-hours - such as early in the morning - and stand apart from the crowd.
You know how time always seems to go more slowly when you stare at the clock? The same thing goes for spending too much online. Lest you want to become an attention seeker yourself, try not to spend a lot of time on OKCupid. If you do you’ll be detected, and end up with a casual dater or damaged goods.
Stop window shopping
If you spend any amount of time searching for someone on OKCupid don’t bother with Quick Match. Swiping will lead you to love in all the wrong places. Stop treating dating like window shopping and use targeted keyword searches and filters to find someone who truly tickles your fancy.
Thank your lucky stars
You may not put a lot of stock in astrology, but many women do. And one thing I’ve noticed over my dating career is that the stars are surprisingly accurate. Know your sun and moon signs to impress your match and earn some astrological street cred.
Wrapping it up
That’s it for the dating tips. Now let’s wrap it up with some key takeaways I learned from using OKCupid.
Takeaway #1: Everyone is different. It’s quite possible my advice will help you not one iota. Encouraging, isn’t it? But don’t give up. Somewhere out there is a great woman waiting for someone just like you.
Takeaway #2: Remember earlier how I mentioned a friend of mine was using a paid dating service? Of course you don’t. But after four years of OKCupid I decided to take a trip to Bali and found out, in Southeast Asia, the tables turn and women actively pursue men on Asian dating sites like AsianDating and JapanSocial.
So what are you waiting for? The water’s warm. Go get ‘em, tiger.